Escapism
by Thought
Summary: Beka tries to get away from it all. My first completed multichapter fic!
1. Tyr

Escapism I

By: Thought

Disclaimer: You know what tastes good? Chocolate!

A/N: K, there's a series of songs that I think you should listen to for this fic. For chapter one, Hotel Paper by Michelle Branch, Two, Bells For Her by Tori Amos, and for Three, Crazy, also by Tori Amos.

Yes, there's a Farscape cameo! You'll get over it!

Dedication: I figured I'd write good fic for Caliga, because she's cool! Yes, yes she is.

And for Prin69 for being a Beka/Rhade shipper, yet reviewing all my Beka/Tyr stories!

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Maybe this wind blowing in just came from the ocean

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It's hard to watch someone you love fall for someone else. Especially hard when you know he's not actually, you know, falling for her because he's in love with her. I mean, ok, so maybe he's diluted himself into thinking that he's in love with her, but he's really not. I know he's not, because he's Tyr, and he could never be in love with anyone. He isn't in love with her, and he certainly could never be in love with me. But it still hurts, you know? To understand that it was someone else he chose to pretend to be in love with. I could have been in love with him. Hell, I'd have even played the good little Nietzschean wife. Ok, fine, so I wouldn't, under any circumstances have had the kids. But that's fine, because he wouldn't want my Kludge genes polluting his perfect line of Kodiacs. But I would have stood by his side, laid in his bed, fought with him and against him, just like any good wife.

I often find myself wondering if it was just because I'm human. I don't think it was. I think it was because he couldn't control me. I wouldn't 'come', 'sit' and 'stay' like he'd like me to. I did whatever the hell I wanted, whenever the hell I wanted, with whoever the hell I wanted to. I still do. The Nietzschean woman he finally settled down with would do none of that. She obeyed him, had his children and kept the rest of the household in line without complaint. And she looked beautiful doing it. I hate her. She took my Tyr.

I left the Andromeda about a week after Tyr announced his marriage. I didn't say goodbye, or anything emotional like that. I just up and left, early one morning. I'm sure none of them were really saddened to see me gone. Sure they'd pretend to be. They'd cry, and make some half-hearted attempt to find me. And when they didn't, they could console themselves by saying that they did the best they could, and that I must be happier wherever I am now. And then they'd go on with their lives like nothing had happened. It's not like I really did anything important, anyway. In all honesty, I'm surprised that they let me stay this long. Dylan or Harper or Tyr can pilot slipstream, and Rommie will make a much better first officer than I ever could have dreamt of. All I was good for was getting them in trouble. And now I'm gone, so they don't have to worry about that anymore.

I arrived at a little motel on some backwater drift that no one's ever heard of unless they're a drug dealer or criminal of some sort. I knew the place well. That's where I've been hiding out the last few weeks. Just living from day to day, taking any job that the Maru and I can handle, and some that we probably can't, but do anyway. I've got just enough money to keep myself in this room, the Maru in the docks and a little food in my

stomach. Just enough to prevent me from passing out, but every time I think about returning to the Andromeda, I need only envision Tyr and his smiling wife standing together right in front of me as they told the entire crew of their marriage. That pretty much turns me off the idea of going back.

I didn't want anyone to find me. I changed my hair colour to black, and used brown contacts. I got a few strange looks, with my pale as snow completion, so I darkened my skin with a series of injections taken over a four-day period. I know I've lost weight, and I chopped off most of my hair, making myself practically nothing like the old me. I changed my name to Sae Hishita. Yes, I used Harper's initials. That would explain any of his shirts that I might have snitched over the years that have his initials scribbled on the back.


	2. Rommie

Escapism II

By: Thought

Disclaimer: Pooooogachuka!

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"I've got your mind" I said; she said "I've your voice"

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It was dark in the bar, the only lighting being provided by a self-sufficient little lamp perched on a stool, trying its hardest to cast enough illumination for the still rowdy patrons to enjoy themselves by. God forbid that they stop drinking and gambling for something as simple and minor as a power failure. I was sitting in a back corner, my hands curled tightly around the glass of water that I had been slowly depleting over the last hours. Though my face may not have betrayed it, I was fighting a losing battle against myself. I could feel the little glass bottle pressing into my side from its place, tucked securely in my pocket. I had landed a damn good job, about a week or two before. It wasn't as much a job, as it was a bribe. I knew the guy was involved in some pretty heavy shit, and used this to my full advantage, digging deep to locate as much evidence as I could gather, and presenting it to him with the threat of blackmail. He had protested at first, just as I had expected. I actually got all the way to the communications station on the Maru, ready to call up the nice folks at the FTA, before he gave in. All I had to do was run a load of easy-to-handle cargo to a nearby system, to make it look moderately legitimate. In exchange, he would give me a specified amount of money, and I would deliver all of my carefully collected evidence into his hands, to do with what he would. The deal didn't quite go through as either of us had planned, leaving me with most of the information, and only about a quarter of the sum I had originally demanded. That was enough, though.

It hadn't been until much later that I had found the bottle of Flash the guy had mistakenly abandoned on my ship. I hadn't touched the contents yet, but I knew that it was only a matter of time. I could see Dylan's stern, lecturing expression clearly in my mind, just as I could hear Tyr's angered tirade, and feel Harper's disappointment. Of course I couldn't really, because all of them were far away, not even sparing a thought for me.

I was so deep in my contemplation that when the woman approached my table, I didn't even notice her until she was standing right over me. And then I didn't recognize her until she was in the booth, pressed up against me, clutching the fabric of my sleeve, eyes wide and luminous in the relative darkness blanketing us.

"Beka?" she breathed softly, clear shock registering on her face.

I felt my blood turn to ice. The soft azure strands of her hair held back in a braided that made my head just looking at it, the deep exotic eyes, the smooth skin. "Andromeda."

She still looked a little stunned, and I gently pried her fingers from my shirt, squeezing her cool hand in mine. Finally, she looked up at me like a child seeking reassurance. "Why did you go?"

I aloud a bitter laugh to escape my raw throat. "Oh honestly, you can't figure that out on your own? With a brain the size of yours, I'd think that it wouldn't be very hard."

Her gaze dropped quickly, and I could feel her pulling away, if not physically, than definitely emotionally. "I'm sorry if I'm not a mind reader," she said dully.

Not knowing why, but going along with it anyway, I pulled her closer, desperately trying to gain back the ground I had lost with those few sharp words with physical closeness. She didn't exactly resist, but she didn't show any sign of enjoying the contact, either.

"Rommie, I'm sorry," I started, but didn't know where to go from there. I could feel the weariness that comes with not sleeping for three days straight catch up with me, making my mind foggy, and my thoughts unorganized. All I knew, was that for some inexplicable reason, I didn't want to lose this spider web connection I had caught on to with the woman who might, one day, regard me as a friend again. And then an idea gripped me, and I went rigid. Reaching over, I tilted Rommie's chin up from where she had been studying the cracked, dirty surface of the table. "Are the others here, too?"

She blinked, then shook her head minutely. "No… They don't know where I am. They thought I was going for supplies."

"What were you really doing?" I asked quietly.

"Looking for you."


	3. John

Escapism III

By: Thought

Disclaimer: My dog wants to go to bed. He's pacing around the office, whining incessantly.

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He said "first let's just unzip your religion down"

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It had been six months since I had last seen Andromeda. Not the ship, which I hadn't been aboard for at least a year and a half. No, to me Andromeda is only the beautiful avatar who came to visit me sporadically over about four months. She had brought news of the crew, always excited to inform me of Trance's latest miracle, or Haprer's newest project or Rev's newest pearl of wisdom. While one part of me treasured these occasional glimpses into my family, another, larger part could only sing repetitive 'I told you so's as I understood how well they were all getting along without me. Rommie's visits ended abruptly, and the only time I saw her was on the holonet, hanging off the arm of Tarazed Fleet Admiral Rhade. She had changed her hair to a soft brown, and taken to wearing clothing that I just knew the damned Uber picked out for her. She looked caged. She looked unnatural. She looked…happy. And I cursed her for it, because while I had all the freedom I could ever ask for, I sure as hell wasn't happy. The Flash helped a little, but I barely ever had enough money to pay for it, so had to ration myself quite harshly. In short, I was miserable.

I met John Crichton utterly by accident. Literally. We crashed in the middle of a busy spacelane, and got into a big fight over who was going to pay the other insurance fees. Finally, we ended up confessing that neither of us had insurance, anyway, me not being able to afford it, and he, to quote his words, being 'a little new to the timeframe'. I didn't know what that meant. Didn't think I wanted to know. I hate time travel.

I liked John. I liked him because he made the same sort of oblique cultural references that Harper did. Because he carried almost as many guns as Tyr did. Because he still stopped to help an old lady with her bags like Dylan did. I stopped analyzing at that point, realizing just how much of my life revolved around three men that I hadn't seen for years. So I decided that I liked John because he was like me. He was stubborn, cocky, insane and had left all his friends behind. And when I say insane, I mean that in both the best and worste ways. Neither of us gave a damn what other people thought, and were prone to taking risks just to see if we'd die or not. But John spoke to people. People that I couldn't see. He had long, drawn out conversations with them, discussing everything from quantum physics to pizza. There were three that were the most prevalent. There was 'Harvey', who always seemed to be there, even when John wasn't actively speaking to him. I could tell, whenever his eyes would flick quickly to the side, or he would make a face of some sort, or release a burst of emotion and then pass it off as nothing that Harvey was talking again. The second was 'Zhaan', or 'Bluey'. I liked this one out of all of them the most. Whoever she was, she had a calming effect on the pilot, making him utterly peaceful and happy for the rest of the day. But he never spoke to her when I was with him. I had witnessed his interactions with Harvey, and heard him whispering to 'Aeryn' at night when he thought I was asleep, but whenever he saw Zhaan it seemed to be a deeply spiritual experience for him.

He was like me. I didn't comment when I came back to the Maru one day to find an entire battalion of soldiers dead outside, and John inside humming to himself, and muttering about a chair. He may have been a little crazy, but, seriously. He named his guns! That's just my kind of crazy psychotic.

And you know what? I never heard from any of my Andromeda family again. I saw Rommie and Rhade smiling for the cameras, and saw Dylan giving rousing speeches of good will, and went to the crowning of Tyr Anasazi as the leader of the 'United Nietzschean Empire'. But I never met up with them again, and I didn't miss it at all. And yet, when it came down to it, I still had that obedient streak when it came to Tyr. And even though Dylan had never done much for me, I still believed in him and his cause. So when I found out that the Maggog worldship was coming, I set out to get rid of it.

It was okay, I thought, watching the little numbers counting down to zero on the self-destruct screen in front of me. John and I had nothing better to do, anyway, and if we could cause a whole shitload of damage to the Worldship, well, who were we to argue? I looked over, wanting to share my last few seconds with my traveling companion. He was curled up, speaking into a transmitter, speaking to that illusive 'Aeryn', telling her how much he loved her and paying no attention to me at all. Grabbing my own transmitter, I pressed a code that I had memorized a long time ago.

The needle was at the three.

"I hope you're satisfied, Anasazi."

END


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